Brian's Bestseller Attempts

Lore & Background

Brian's writing career is defined by the failure of his novel Faster Than the Speed of Love, which results in hundreds of unsold copies arriving at his home. After reading The New York Times, he discovers a self-help book is the highest-selling book on its bestseller list. Persuaded by Stewie, Brian writes his own self-help book, titling it Wish It, Want It, Do It, finishing it in three hours to prove that self-help books are useless. The book immediately becomes a commercial success. Brian hires Stewie as his publicist because of Stewie's connections that helped publish the book. As the publicity tour progresses, Brian becomes an egomaniac. During dinner, he notices Renée Zellweger at the front of the restaurant and angrily berates Stewie for not booking their table there, punishing him by refusing to give him a lift to their hotel. Seeking reconciliation, Stewie books Brian an appearance on Real Time with Bill Maher to discuss separation of church and state with Maher and Christopher Hitchens. Two hours prior to his appearance, after continuing to verbally abuse Stewie for minor inconveniences, Brian is informed that Hitchens cannot attend and that Arianna Huffington and Dana Gould will serve as replacement panelists. Blaming Stewie again, Brian angrily fires him and continues to the show's panel. On the show, Maher, Huffington, and Gould criticize Brian's book, stating it fails to meet expectations and is pretentious, repetitive, unhelpful, banal, and manipulative. Brian attempts to defend it by talking down to the panelists, including pettily insulting Huffington's accent while referring to her as Zsa Zsa Gabor and Gould's feminine-sounding first name. Under pressure, he ultimately confesses that he too considers the book to be of a low standard, admitting he wrote it in a day in the hope that it would sell. Maher loses all respect for Brian, stating that a real writer would stand by their work despite what others think. When trying to regain Maher's trust, Brian panics and urinates, prompting Maher to angrily chase him off the set with a newspaper. Humiliated, Brian returns to Quahog and half-heartedly apologizes to Stewie, during which he unsubtly and passive-aggressively continues to blame him for everything. Realizing this is as good an apology as Brian can give, Stewie bluntly tells him "You can't write."

In Their Own Story

The yellow light of the desk lamp flickered as Brian's paws hovered over the typewriter keys. Another sentence stared back at him from the page, looking dull and uninspired. He sighed, adjusting his glasses with a paw that looked too human for comfort. The house was quiet, save for the distant sound of Peter snoring in the living room. Brian took a sip of his martini, swirling the ice cubes thoughtfully. He knew this chapter needed more soul, something to prove he wasn't just a talking animal seeking attention. But as he reached for another key, the door creaked open. Stewie peeked in, holding a remote control, ready to critique the plot hole Brian had created three paragraphs ago.

Reader's Guide

Brian's literary ambitions in this episode begin with receiving hundreds of packages containing unsold copies of his failed novel Faster Than the Speed of Love, causing him to give up his ambitions of becoming a writer. After discovering a self-help book is the highest-selling book on The New York Times bestseller list, and with persuasion from Stewie, Brian writes his own self-help book, Wish It, Want It, Do It, finishing it in three hours. The book immediately becomes a commercial success. Brian hires Stewie as his publicist because of Stewie's connections that helped publish the book. As the publicity tour progresses, Brian becomes an egomaniac. During dinner, he notices Renée Zellweger at the front of the restaurant and angrily berates Stewie for not booking their table there, punishing him by refusing to give him a lift to their hotel. Seeking reconciliation, Stewie books Brian an appearance on Real Time with Bill Maher to discuss separation of church and state with Maher and Christopher Hitchens. Two hours prior to his appearance, after continuing to verbally abuse Stewie for minor inconveniences, Brian is informed that Hitchens cannot attend and that Arianna Huffington and Dana Gould will serve as replacement panelists. Blaming Stewie again, Brian angrily fires him and continues to the show's panel. On the show, Maher, Huffington, and Gould criticize Brian's book, stating it fails to meet expectations and is pretentious, repetitive, unhelpful, banal, and manipulative. Brian attempts to defend it by talking down to the panelists, including pettily insulting Huffington's accent while referring to her as Zsa Zsa Gabor and Gould's feminine-sounding first name. Under pressure, he ultimately confesses that he too considers the book to be of a low standard, admitting he wrote it in a day in the hope that it would sell. Maher loses all respect for Brian, stating that a real writer would stand by their work despite what others think. When trying to regain Maher's trust, Brian panics and urinates, prompting Maher to angrily chase him off the set with a newspaper. Humiliated, Brian returns to Quahog and half-heartedly apologizes to Stewie, during which he unsubtly and passive-aggressively continues to blame him for everything. Realizing this is as good an apology as Brian can give, Stewie bluntly tells him "You can't write."

Did You Know?

• The episode was first announced at the 2010 San Diego Comic-Con by executive producer and series showrunner Steve Callaghan.
• The episode featured a live-action sequence on the set of the HBO talk show Real Time with Bill Maher, with the animated Brian Griffin superimposed on the panel.
• Bill Maher appeared in the scene opposite panelists Dana Gould and Arianna Huffington, who played themselves.
• The episode was watched by 6.59 million viewers, according to Nielsen ratings, despite airing simultaneously with the 38th Annual American Music Awards on ABC.
• Emily VanDerWerff of The A.V. Club gave the episode a B rating, praising its storyline but criticizing the Real Time with Bill Maher sequence as 'bafflingly poor'.